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:: Spanking Coach For Novices ::

Spanking Coach for Novices.
("Guide de la fessée à l'usage des novices.")
This document is aimed specifically at people with limited experience at receiving and/or giving spankings to their partner(s) an in particular, spankings within a Domestic Discipline context. I classify spankings between consenting adults into two primary categories: "Play" and "Real". The bulk of this article will focus on Real spankings, but before I do that, I'm going to define my terms. You may or may not agree with these definitions, but for purposes of this article, at least we'll be on the same page.

Play spankings are sessions in which the primary agenda is sensuality, playfulness and/or sexuality/foreplay. Although Play spankings may achieve a similar level of physical intensity to their Real counterparts, the tone and energy is light and playful.

Real spankings in turn, are broken down into three sub-categories: Punishment, Discipline and Release, with each of these categories defined by their primary agenda.

Punishment spankings :
The consequences of unacceptable behavior, according to a prescribed formula. Example: the penalty for getting a parking ticket is X number of strokes with a hairbrush OTK. It's like picking things on a menu where each sin has a price in the form of a specific punishment. Once the agreed on number of strokes have been administered, the punishment is over. The agenda of a punishment spanking is retribution. "You did X. You pay the price."

Discipline spankings : Here the intention is a change in attitude on the part of the bottom, preferably heart-felt remorse (and release of that remorse) for unacceptable behavior. A Discipline spanking can also be used as a reminder and warning to behave. Rather than a pre-set routine, the spanking varies and continues until the spanker is convinced that there has been a proper attitude adjustment and that lessons have been learned and contrition honestly felt. Like Punishment Spankings, a Discipline Spanking can be a direct consequence of unacceptable behavior, so it's easy to confuse the two. But again, by making the agenda of a Discipline Spanking an emotion-based objective rather than simple retribution the outcome and the way that spanking is received and accepted is fundamentally different and, in my opinion, more likely to bring the two parties closer.

(As an aside, it is my belief that, for most adults who incorporate Domestic Discipline spankings into their relationships, that spanking for punishment is generally ineffective. On the other hand, when the miscreant agrees that a spanking is deserved and willingly submits as an act of contrition AND the spanking is lovingly administered, then I believe DD spankings can be a very effective tool for behavior modification and domestic tranquility.)

Release spankings : Spanking given, not because the recipient has in any way misbehaved, but rather because they need a catalyst to trigger a cathartic emotional release. It is especially therapeutic in times of stress or crankiness. In fact, a Release Spanking functions as an emotional enema.

This primer deals mainly with Disciplinary and Release spankings and provides a series of guidelines for both tops and bottom
.

Safewords

Traditionally, there are two to keep in mind: RED and YELLOW.

RED means "Party's over. We stop this scene NOW." MERCY is also a popular safeword to indicate that the top needs to stop immediately.

YELLOW means "I need to pause a bit to re-group, catch my breath, communicate something to you, etc."

To avoid any kind of confusion, safewords should never be incorporated into a sentence like "is my bottom getting RED!!!!". If you need to use the safeword, don't play games. Simply say the word, preferably three times in a row (i.e. RED RED RED). This way there's no misunderstanding.

Alternative safeword to stop proceedings:
SAFEWORD

Traditional Safeword to indicate, "I think you should up the ante a bit":
GREEN. But any bratty behavior while over a top's knee will certainly be an indication that sterner measures are called for.

Communications

This is always important, but especially crucial during the early "getting to know each other" stage. You and your partner are going to be going through a certain amount of trial and error experimentation as you get to know each other, get to know each others' bodies and as you get to know what does and doesn't work for you when being spanked and/or doing the spanking. So you should have an agreement that you do a "post-game analysis" in which you honestly tell each other what did and did not work during the session just completed. Remember, it's OK for spankings to be less than perfect. It's not OK to hold back when you want something done differently.

Receiving

These suggestions are primarily for Release and Discipline spankings as opposed to the playful variety. Since the objective here is a shift in your mental and emotional state, there are things you can do to contribute to the process.

Number one : remember to BREATHE DEEPLY during the spanking. This helps your body deal with the pain.

Number Two : Keep your cheeks as relaxed as possible. When being spanked, it's almost reflexive to clench your cheeks, but this actually makes the spanking harder to take. Keep those buns nice and loose.

Number Three :
This may actually be the most important - body language, because there are definite connections between body language and emotions and the body remembers. Think back to when you were a little kid. When you hurt so much that you had to cry, did you pout out your lower lip. Did that pouting lip quiver? Did you pound your little fists or kick your legs while flopped down on your bed? These are the most common examples of the body language of a crying child letting out all that hurt. By consciously doing the same things as an adult while being spanked (the quivering lower lip often works very well for me), that helps you slip into a similar emotional state of release as you experienced as a child.

Giving

There is an old adage: "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." The first time I ever gave a spanking, it proved to be true because I didn't know what I was doing and let me tell you, my hand hurt a LOT more than the experienced woman's bottom I had just spanked. The simplest technique I've learned is to slightly cup your hand so that it more naturally follows the contours of the target area and spank more with your fingers than your palm. If you think you're going to have your partner over your lap for extended periods of time, a leather glove or even an open fingered handball glove can help protect your hands while allowing for decent impact.

Want a way to prep your hands for dealing with a deserving tush? Pull out that cookbook and start making bread. Kneading - and slapping - bread dough is excellent exercise for strengthening your spank hand. Not to mention bringing a delightful aroma to the kitchen!

Target area: Optimally, the fleshiest part of the buttocks. But the overall target area goes from about an inch and a half below the top of the crack to about two or three inches below where cheek meets thigh.

Discipline/Release spankings: As stated above, the intent of these kinds of spankings is an emotional and attitude shift and getting the person being spanked to a state of surrender. Spankees get into that mind state easiest when they feel safe and sense that their spanking is coming from a place of love and affection. I know that's my experience. This doesn't have to be a romantic love. It just means coming from a very loving place. "I'm doing this because I care enough about you to give you what you need." Any scolding should come from this place, rather than being attacking and abusive.

The spanking should begin with a medium-hard warm-up to help both the bottom's body and mind shift gears before getting into anything really hard. Your partner may need to be spanked long and hard before my walls begin to crumble and that's OK. Remember, the spanking is a means to an end and it's supposed to cause discomfort. Don't be intimidated by any howling your partner may do while over your knee. If it's really a problem, you have the safeword. On the other hand, If your intuition tells you that you need to pause and check in to see how your partner is doing, follow your intuition.

ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION.

Along those lines, I'm going to get a little metaphysical here. It may help you to better tune into your partner if before beginning, you first imagine both of you surrounded by a ball of bright, white, protective light, then imagine that a part of your partner is standing right behind you, coaching you on what to do. This does work. The more you do it, the better it works.

The main thing to remember is, that a DD (Domestic Discipline) spanking (as opposed to many types of D/s or BDSM spankings), the primary intention is a form of tough love. Your job as a spanker is to give your partner what they need so that they can experience that mental shift and/or emotional release they desire/need in a safe way. In other words, when giving a Discipline or Release spanking, you are there to serve the emotional needs of your partner. I call this "bottoming from the top." And it's one of the most rewarding things you can do with a partner.

Sensuous / Erotic Spankings

Once again, the single biggest difference between a Real spanking and a Play spanking is in the intent of the participants, especially the spanker. For erotic spankings, the recipient should eventually be completely nude, though getting him/her to that state in stages usually adds to the spice. And if the spanker is also nude, so much the better. Again, I would do so in stages because I personally think that's a lot sexier.

Whether giving or receiving, an erotic spanking should be very playful in tone and include a lot of touch, not just spanking. Take a pause from spanking from time to time to give your partner very light, delicate strokes with just your fingertips. Let them glide up and down the back, the legs and especially the insides of the thighs.

Here are some other methods that women I've played with have responded well to when I'm giving the spanking :

Spank with one hand while fondling, caressing and kneading your partner's breasts with the other. Give lots of attention to the nipples.

Variation on the above : Massage her clit and g-spot with one hand while spanking with the other.

Provide a wide variety of sensations and use them in ways that create contrast. For example, rub an ice cube all over her freshly spanked bottom, making sure you also slip it into the local orifices. The heat of her bottom will cause the ice to melt VERY quickly. It will also leave her with a wet bottom. So be a gentleman and spank it dry for her.

Rub fur over her body (doesn't have to be real fur for you animal lovers out there).

Scrape your fingernails and/or the stiff bristles of a hairbrush across her reddened cheeks.

Kiss and nibble her bottom (and beyond).

Take the time to rub, massage and lovingly fondle your partner between swats.

 

Above all, have fun, be creative and play safe !